Hark! Ye Parents of Young Nipperkins, Read On for Thy Guide to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire!
Gather 'round, noble parents of wee nipperkins! Prepare thyself for a day filled with jest, merriment, and just a splash of chaos. The Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire awaits, a land where thy children may roam as knights, princesses, and possibly feral goblins (depending on how many turkey legs they've consumed). Whether thou art a seasoned knight or a weary traveler in search of shade and mead, this guide will arm thee with all thou need to survive—and perhaps even enjoy—this day of revelry. (And let’s keep the debauchery to a minimum until the nipperkins are safely abed, shall we?)
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First Things First: Consult Thy Map and Schedule—But Lo, Do Not Depend Upon It Overmuch!
Upon entering the faire, ye shall be handed a grand scroll—a mighty map and schedule, so detailed that even the wisest of scholars would struggle to comprehend its labyrinthine offerings. Thou shalt see hearts next to family-friendly shows and activities, while asterisks and exclamation points mark events that are… best saved for after the wee ones retire (if thou know what I mean). Perhaps keep those marked with “debauchery” for another day, brave parent.
Now, as much as I love to plan every waking moment, heed my warning: Thou shalt get side-tracked! Whether by a wandering minstrel or a troupe of jugglers in tights, expect to be lured off course. I say, choose three “must-dos” for thy day (lest ye get caught in an endless loop of turkey legs and fairy wings), but beyond that, let fate guide thee. Some of our most treasured discoveries have come not from the schedule but from stumbling upon a fire-eater, or better yet, a mermaid or unicorn. Yes, ye heard correctly—unicorns roam these lands!
The Ultimate Jest: Joust to the Death at Bosworth Field
If there's one thing we never skip at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire, it’s the ultimate showdown: the Joust to the Death! Two guilds, two brave knights, and one life-or-death battle—it's a spectacle like no other. Expect explosive action (literally—there are cannon blasts and fireworks), thundering hooves, and plenty of knightly glory. The crowd’s energy is electric as the knights charge each other, vying for fame and honor on Bosworth Field. Whether you’re a Faire veteran or a first-timer, this is the must-see event that captures the epic spirit of the Renaissance. Just don’t forget to cover your ears—the noise is all part of the fun!
Rides & Games for Nipperkins Big and Small
For the brave and the bouncy, thy nipperkins may partake in the joy of rides and games fit for a royal court! Shall they ride the human-powered Hippogriff, shrieking in delight (or terror)? Or mayhaps they shall test their valor by attempting to hurl axes in the gaming village (under the supervision of the queen’s guard, of course). Beware, though, dear parent—these activities require a fair bit of coin, so be prepared for pleas of “just one more try!” lest ye find thy pockets empty and thy smile hollow.
Fear not, for there are simpler joys as well. The trebuchet game offers nipperkins a chance to launch objects into the air, which may or may not prepare them for future castle sieges. And let’s not forget the games of strength and skill—the strongman game has a nipperkin version and is sure to stir the spirits of the young adventurers.
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Family-Friendly Shows to Tickle Thy Fancy
Now, good folk, let us not forget the entertainments! The Faire boasts many a show that will delight thine offspring (and mayhaps even thee). While thou should exercise caution near certain… bawdier affairs, there are plenty of family-friendly spectacles to enjoy:
- Hob the Troll – A gravelly-voiced troll with a heart of gold (well, at least bronze), Hob’s humor is as gentle as his songs. Thy nipperkins shall leave with giggles.
- The Nature of Mercy Pirate Show – What could be better than pirates, swords, and moral lessons all wrapped in one? Swashbuckling without the scurvy!
- Messy Puppeteers – Warning: Ye shall be splattered with foam, water, and perhaps a stray bit of puppet fur. Utter chaos ensues, but laughter is guaranteed.
- Mount Hope Players – Behold the finest actors in the land! With witty banter, these performers shall have thee cheering for the hero and booing at the dastardly villain.
- The Mermaid Lagoon – Aye, mermaids be real at the PA Ren Faire, and ye can meet them face-to-face (or fin-to-face, as it were). The nipperkins will stare in awe at these mystical creatures, and thou might just believe in a little magic, too.
Vendors That Shall Delight Thine Eyes and Purses
Ah, the treasures of the marketplace! For the nipperkins who fancy themselves as dragon tamers, let us direct thee to the Drabbit Hatchery, where they may try their luck at hatching their very own baby dragon (careful, they may request royal accessories for their new pet). The Hatchery remains a favorite stop for my own brood, and be ye warned—it may require an extra trip to the carriage to deposit thine purchases.
Other vendors tempt with fairy wings, wooden swords, and more glittering armor than even a queen would require. Though thy purse may weep at the sight of so many treasures, thy nipperkins shall revel in donning their new garb. Just be sure to budget thy coin, lest ye leave the Faire with a wardrobe fit for royalty, and naught but crumbs in thy pockets.
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Tips for Little Nipperkins (Pretend Play Encouraged!)For the littlest of thy court, encourage pretend play! If thy child is a princess, knight, or rogue in their heart, let them dress the part! The Faire shall seem like a dreamscape to them, where sword fights are real and queens smile upon their curtsies.
Characters throughout the Faire shall often engage thy child in delightful play. Mention thy child’s love of dragons, and thou may find a wandering wizard eager to share his vast knowledge of mystical beasts. Let thy little ones immerse themselves in this grand world, for they shan’t soon forget the joy of pretending.
Tips for Bigger Nipperkins (Engage Their Mighty Brains!)For thy older children, whose brains are as sharp as their wooden swords, encourage them to delve into the storyline of the Faire. There are political intrigues, knightly tournaments, and daring adventures to uncover, perfect for curious minds that thrive on a challenge.
Seek out the glassblowers, who transform fire and sand into art, or the archers, whose arrows fly with precision and might. Watch in awe as the fiery feats of Adamo Ignis ignite their imagination, or be amazed by the acrobatic prowess of the Alterra skill show. These spectacles offer thy bigger nipperkins both wonder and knowledge.
Costumes!
Shall ye don the garb of the olden days? Verily, I say YES! Whether thou opt for a simple tunic or a full Queen Elizabeth ensemble, costumes shall elevate thy Faire experience tenfold. Thy nipperkins shall beam with pride as they prance about in their royal finery, and thou may even receive a nod from the queen herself.
Beware, though—whilst the vendors at the Faire are fully prepared to outfit thee in full regalia, thy purse may be emptied faster than thou can say “Huzzah!”. Plan ahead, lest thou find thyself tempted by ruffled collars, feathered hats, and corsets aplenty!
School Days: The Faire’s Best-Kept Secret (But You'll Need a Crew)Hark! Let me tell thee, noble parents and brave educators—if you think the PA Renaissance Faire is wondrous on a regular weekend, you’ve yet to experience the true magic of School Days! 'Tis our favorite time to visit, when the Shire of Mount Hope is overtaken by a motley assortment of students, all ready to be knighted in the ways of history and merriment. But heed this warning, dear friends: to partake in this educational extravaganza, you must gather a band of at least 10 brave souls—so start recruiting now, or risk being left out in the cold (or, you know, the parking lot).
Now, here’s the best part: there are only two School Days each season, both happening on weekdays. This makes them ideal for all the cyber or homeschool families who can take a break from the books and dive straight into history, no permission slips required. And for those still bound to the hallowed halls of brick and mortar—trust me, School Days are absolutely worth playing hooky for! Because who wouldn’t want to trade a classroom for a 35-acre Elizabethan village filled with knights, falconry, and nobles?
On School Days, your students will find themselves thrust into the world of knights, nobles, and peasants. They'll marvel at medieval armor, cheer on their jousting champion, and maybe even snag a role in a wandering troupe of players (because who wouldn’t want to make a cameo in this historical drama?). They'll encounter villagers who’ve leaped straight from the pages of history and merchants eager to show off ancient crafts like glassblowing, blacksmithing, and—wait for it—beekeeping!
And don't forget the competitions! Whether it's archery, period dance, or some other skill from ye olden days, the students shall compete and learn in the most edutaining way possible. So, polish those tankards and prepare to shout “Huzzah!” because School Days at the Faire is where learning and merriment collide!
Our Family’s Favorites: Not for the Faint of Heart (But Oh So Fun!)Now, dear readers, whilst the PA Renaissance Faire is a treasure trove of merriment, jesters, and jousting, our family’s favorite attractions lean a bit more... dark. Let’s start with the Museum of Torture. Yes, you read that right—an entire museum dedicated to the history of torture devices. It’s a truly fascinating (and slightly horrifying) walk through the more sinister side of history. For parents, it’s a golden opportunity to terrify your children into behaving (“See that? That’s what happened to the kids who didn’t clean their rooms!”). Just kidding. Mostly. But for those with a morbid curiosity and a dash of dark humor, it’s an eye-opening experience.
Next up, the Fight Circle, where the only thing better than arming your children with swords and armor is watching them gleefully beat each other senseless—until only one warrior is left standing! Don’t worry, it’s not as savage as it sounds. BEST COIN SPENT at the Faire. And by swords and armor, we mean balloons, people. It’s all in good fun as the young knights try to pop each other’s balloon shields, and the victor is the one left with a balloon intact. It’s safe, silly, and wildly entertaining (especially when your kids start strategizing like they’re planning the Battle of Bosworth all over again).
Now, I’ll admit, these two favorites of ours aren’t for everyone. If your brood, like ours, has a bit of a dark sense of humor and loves a good laugh at the macabre, then you’ll be right at home. But if your wee nipperkins are sensitive to violence or horror, the Museum of Torture might give them a bit more than nightmares, and the Fight Circle—though fun—might not be their cup of mead. Fear not, though—there’s plenty of merriment elsewhere in the Shire for the gentler souls.
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Tips for Enjoying the Ren Faire with Neurodiverse Kiddos
Hear ye, hear ye! For families with neurodiverse nipperkins, the Faire can be a wondrous place, but a bit of planning shall make it a smoother adventure. First, know thy child’s needs—if loud noises or crowded spaces bring distress, have a plan to move to quieter areas (like the serene paths around the gardens or a shady nook behind the merchants). The Faire can get noisy, especially near the joust and skill shows where cannon fire and booming cheers reign supreme. Noise-canceling headphones are worth their weight in gold (or groats, if thou prefer).
Consider the pace. There’s no rush in the Shire, so take thy time and allow for breaks. The Faire offers plenty of open spaces where nipperkins can move freely, stretch their legs, and even let their imaginations soar without the crush of the crowd.
Engage with the quieter attractions. The glassblowing demonstrations, blacksmiths, and craft merchants offer a calmer but equally captivating experience. Neurodiverse kiddos may also delight in the tactile wonder of hands-on activities, such as clay or leather crafting, which allow them to engage their senses in a calm environment.
Finally, don’t hesitate to let the characters and vendors know about thy child’s needs—many of the Faire’s performers are more than happy to adjust their interactions, and they truly delight in bringing magic to all visitors. Whether it’s a wandering minstrel lowering their volume or a knight offering a gentler high-five, the Shire is filled with folks who want every child to have a magical experience.
In fine, to wrap this tale in a bow:
So there ye have it—a grand guide to conquering the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire with thy nipperkins in tow. Embrace the unexpected, enjoy the merriment (planned or otherwise), and remember that the day shall be filled with jests, jousts, and just the right amount of controlled chaos. Thou and thy brood shall leave the Faire with tired feet, full hearts, and perhaps an extra dragon or two. Huzzah! 🎉
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