To the man who touched my leg without permission on Saturday afternoon (yesterday) at the Walnut Bottom Diner:
I am guessing you are about 85 years old. I was sitting in a booth with my husband having a coffee date when you approached without warning, bent down and caressed my leg just below the knee and said, “These are nice.”
No one expects a stranger to appear out of nowhere and touch them.
“My stockings? Yes, they are.” I replied. I noticed your hearing aids and deduced that you are a retiree and I suspected that you must have a touch of dementia to think it’s ok to touch a strange woman’s leg without permission.
It was very upsetting to the waitresses and the manager, and they talked amongst themselves in a flurry as I calmed my husband down. I’m sure they were worried that you would cross personal boundaries with their waitresses.
My husband was very upset. He was upset that I did not scold you; he knows me well and was surprised that I did not strike you. He is a peaceable man, and I am the fiery one. I told him that you did not actually threaten my well-being, and I hope that if my grandfather makes such an egregious mistake, that the offended party would give him grace.
You walked by a second time and leaned onto my husband’s shoulder and said, “Don’t be mad. I just wanted to make her feel good.” My husband responded, “That was incredibly inappropriate.” Your hearing aid wasn’t working well and you asked him to repeat himself. He did. You have no idea how much restraint my husband showed in that moment.
We gave you grace, sir, but the moment has stayed with me and I felt like it would be a good idea to convey this to our overall community:
Female strangers do not want your compliments or validation.
We do not need your assurance that we are attractive. We do not care what your response to our stockings will be when we put them on our bodies. I was dressed for myself and for my husband, not for you or anyone else. It is quite an insult to my husband that you think that HE doesn’t make me feel good well enough and should need your input and support on this matter.🙄
If you were twenty years younger, I would have clocked you right across the cheek and knocked you on your ass. Your hearing aid is what gave my fist pause. You got away with this behavior because you are old, and I have taken to treating old men like small children. I have four children, and they have softened me to the stupidity of people who do not think before they act.
I hope that you recognize that I did not treat you like an autonomous adult male in that moment. I treated you like a toddler who didn’t know the rules of society. If you are an autonomous adult who hasn’t had a mental slip yet, you should be offended by this, and I hope it changes your behavior in the future.
If you are the wife, daughter, granddaughter, or neighbor of this man, I hope you push back when he crosses your physical boundaries. Obviously, he hasn’t been told often enough to keep his hands to himself, dementia or not. If you are the keeper of this man, good luck and God Bless You and keep you on this journey through his final years. Maybe escort him to the bathroom next time to keep an eye on him?
Again, to the MEN in our community: FEMALE STRANGERS DO NOT WANT YOUR COMPLIMENTS, AND FOR GOD’S SAKE, KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF.
— Candice Holsinger
The Backlash: Why Speaking Up Still Sparks Controversy
Candice’s letter was not written literally to the man who touched her, nor was it a personal vendetta against a single individual. Instead, it was a statement to the community as a whole, a reminder that women are not obligated to accept unwanted touches, compliments, or validation from strangers.
But despite the clarity of her message, the responses to her post were mixed.
Many commenters praised Candice for handling the situation with grace and restraint, recognizing that she chose not to escalate the moment but still felt the need to address it. Others sympathized with the potential cognitive impairment of the man in question, arguing that dementia could have played a role in his actions.
And then, of course, came the backlash.
Some questioned why she would post about the incident publicly instead of addressing it further at the restaurant. Others seemed more disturbed by Candice’s tone—her unwillingness to meekly accept the experience—than by the fact that a complete stranger had felt entitled to touch her leg in the first place.
One comment even dismissed the entire issue by suggesting she should have just “calmly addressed the situation” and moved on. As if women don’t spend their entire lives navigating the expectations that they remain polite in the face of discomfort.
This is exactly why this letter needed to be shared.
Yes, Candice chose to give this man grace. But grace does not require silence.
Women should not have to weigh whether the person violating their space is old enough, impaired enough, or well-intentioned enough to excuse the behavior. Women should not have to gauge whether they’ll be criticized more for setting a boundary than the person who crossed it.
This is not about punishing an elderly man. It’s about acknowledging that this behavior happens all the time, to women of all ages, in all places, from men of all backgrounds. And far too often, the burden is placed on women to accept it.
Candice’s letter is a reminder: we don’t have to.
Join the conversation:
When visiting events and local businesses, be sure to tell them Macaroni KID sent you... and don't forget to tell all your friends!
 |  |  |
 |  |  |
